Men can be domestic violence victims too

Amber Petty: The Advertiser | September 25, 2008

http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24397363-5017200,00.html

VIOLENT relationships, it turns out, are a two-way street.

I recently commented on how unfairly many women are judged after finding themselves in violent relationships with men.

In the days that followed, I received many emails from victims. Surprisingly, many of them were from men, who seemed to be pleading with the world to understand that it’s not always the women who are the victims. Indeed, there are many men suffering in silence at the hands of their violent girlfriends and wives.

The stories I read were from men all suffering the same hurt, humiliation and sadness you would expect from female victims. There were a couple of things, however, that stood out that really isolated these poor guys even more.

There seemed to be an extra layer of humiliation for these victims, because in our blokey Australian society having your missus beating you up and sexually attacking you just doesn’t make sense.

Very few could bring themselves to speak out against their women, for fear their stories would never be believed.

Not even by those closest to them, such as family and mates, who normally would stand by them if they experienced trials in other areas of their lives.

Dave, from Aldinga, writes: “I have been married for 20-plus years and have two children. I have been abused for the past eight years and stay. Does that make me less of a man? Very likely.

“I see it as a strength to protect my children. Much of the abuse is generalised, not directed at me but more a venting of frustration.

“If I were not there, the children would get it – no child deserves that treatment.

“Why dont I leave? Women get given custody – simple as that.”

Another victim, from Salisbury, writes he has trained himself to switch off during the many attacks from his wife, who is suffering from bipolar disorder.

He has adopted this passive response for fear that if he retaliates, she will cry victim and run to the police, where his story is unlikely to be believed over hers. He, too, stays purely for the children.

On one really bad night, his wife was on medication and drinking heavily. She grabbed their youngest child and h ...

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